the new england saints

Superbowl is on Sunday so I finally decided to post this. There simply wasn't a reason to do so before now. You need to know that when I wrote this I was DEFEATED. Like crushed. All these feelings; like... turbo feelings.

I originally wrote this on the train ride home from Boston to Syracuse after the Patriots suffered a loss that would eliminate them from the playoffs. It's long. Here goes.


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Jan.17 2011


Jay and I have only been to epic football games in Foxboro (yes, that's how it's spelled).


The first game we ever saw live was in 2007. It was Monday Night Football, the start of the last season that John Madden ever called and it was the Patriot's home opener. It was against the Chargers and all week LT was chirping us saying that he was going to run the ball for a million yards. We shut that fool up with our actions on the field; we stuffed his face as he ended up rushing for nothing. It was a good win against a scary team.


I recall the ride back to the hotel that time because the train got lost or went onto another track or derailed or something. We actually had to switch trains and the 30 min ride became like 2 hours. With all that waiting around I wandered all over the place simply trashed meeting peoples. Eventually, Jay ran into the same people that I met and once he said he was from Canada the first thing they said was "are you going to rant about jelly donuts too?"


The next game was a football fail against the Dolphins where we witnessed the birth of the wildcat. It was so confusing to see live. You see, that's how good New England is; other teams need to invent ways to play us that involve magic and trickery. This was the last 1pm game I will ever see because there just isn't enough time to tailgate all proper like. We also learned to NEVER take the Pats train to the game; it arrives like 45 mins before kickoff. Terrible. That loss in 2008 was the last home game the Pats lost, that was until last Sunday.


In 2009 we saw another home opener against the shitty Bills where the game was anything but shitty. We were down by two scores with not long to go. In the end Ben Watson got 2 TD's and we pulled off the amazing comeback. My football arm hurt so very much after that game. Probably a thousand high fives, it was so fucking epic. All the Bills needed to do for the win was kneel in the end zone and then run the clock. Instead, buddy decides to run it where Meriweather stripped the ball. The rest is history.


This regular season we where lucky enough to physically be in attendance for two great games.


First off was the return of Randy Moss to Foxboro, only weeks after we traded this franchise player to the Vikings. In this game we also got to see Fa-vre being carted off the field on a stretcher. Joygasm.


After that game Moss had the most ridiculous press conference ever. So ridiculous the Vikings put him on waivers immediately after the game where he was let go. I remember watching that clip for the first time the day after in South Boston drinking at Murphy's Law (the bar from Gone Baby Gone).





A month later we were in attendance for the battle of two 10-2 giants it what the papers were calling THE GAME to see this regular season. We embarrassed the Jets 45-3. I was so happy. So was Jay.

Obviously I'll be going back there for more games, we're both on the wait list for season tickets!


I have zero interest in seeing my Pats play anywhere else. For those that don't know, I am a ridiculous football fan. A loud football fan. An insane football fan. If I were to "cheer" like I do in say, Oakland, I would completely break rule #1: Don't get dead.


Here's the thing, it's not the Pats that keep us coming back, it's the people. How else can two assclowns like us continue to visit Boston and still be alive?

Last weekend we took the train from Syracuse since it was so cheap and we were planning on returning next weekend. On the ride down there were these Fuck the Jets fans that were also going to the game. 


We talked football and such in a civilized manner ish. That's the great thing about football fans, everyone gets along no matter what your colors are, no matter how much taunting there is. My most hated team of all time changes from week to week depending who we're playing.


At least I'm consistent.


Before we arrived in Back Bay I specifically told them where they needed to be for tailgating. Route 1 before the stadium, pull into the field where the LIQUORS store is. Fuck stadium tailgating. The people in the field are always there. They have their own spots and everything! There's totally a sense of community/family there... like gambling and drinking with your uncles... who are cops.

Well guess who we ran into yesterday? Everything they had was green. I bet their neighbors were thrilled... They pretty much made tailgating in that section shitty for everyone else cause of their presence, hilarious!


They wanted to trade up for a Molson (that's what America calls Canadian) so I made them come back to our lair. I wanted to see how our crew would react to these Fuck the Jets fans :P.


The old guys fucking loved every minute of it! Many helpings of smack talk were served, everyone had their smiles on; amazing. We shared some steak tips, listened to some gangsta beats and had a blast.

I couldn't get over how such a little person could dish it out. Like King Kong cahonees. Amazing.


"I'm not going to the game until I hear Gin and Juice!"
- Fucking awesome guy


The nicest people in the world hang out in that field in Boston. When I die I want my ashes spread there, seriously. Just not against the fence, I don't want piss on my remains.

- Nine Teeeeen Sixty Nine!

- Ya, no one gets it. That's stupid.


When we first starting coming down we didn't have a clue what to do, where to go, what to bring. I can confidently say that nowadays we have it all figured out, and a huge part of this is due to my Boston field peeps. With our season coming to an end I can honestly say the shittiest part is that I don't get to see them for another 8 months.

This trip was even more epic than most cause we re-met so many people from previous times. Everyone simply knows us as The Canadians. 

There is nothing better in life than drinking shots of Jack outta some converted Pats ambulance when someone approaches you and says:

- Don't I know you?
- Didn't we play championship flip cup last time?
- Was it you that drank the entire jar of pickle juice?

There is just so much win in everything that person said. Awesome times.


We even saw the sketchy NY dude who goes around selling Cubans for retarded prices. I think that's his job.


Fuck. Sadly, the shock of the loss is still with me. I don't think I ate enough cheese. 

Seriously, we ALWAYS win on cheese day. I hardly ate at tailgating this Sunday. Only 2 varieties of cheese, not the usual 5.


I have no interest in the remaining games this season. When I get home I'm selling Madden. I'll watch the Superbowl but that's about it. Lol, sometimes I think Shawna was right about the bipolar thing... 


I wonder what I'll do with all my free time; football has been consuming me lately. Maybe I'll get some doors.

I want to leave on a positive note so I'll share my favorite moment of the trip. Other than hanging out with Cam and his family, my favorite part was tossing the ball around with Jay just before the lot filled up.


There was hardly any room to play, people everywhere. Cars were being guided behind Jay, the sidelines had people tailgating doing their thing. We had some fans watching us too. I heard the words "awesome catch" a bunch. I caught a wild throw just before it hit this kid in the face, then turned to him and said, "I just saved your life." His dad just laughed.


It was so simple. Just two people playing catch, diving all over the place, throwing bullets, getting ready for the game. Pretty much the definition of Right On!


Oh Boston; until next time.


MONEY SHOT!!! (it's always better when it's cop's money)