My Finger - Part 2

I can make a fist again! Ring is off, I just couldn't stand the discomfort anymore. Plus a fist is way cooler than that weird claw thing I had going on. I literally had to choose smaller logs when stacking the firewood due to its misshapen, purple, ridiculousness.

Upon arriving at work I said enough was enough and I called Appletree health thingy cause they have their wait times online! Barrhaven's wait time was 5 minutes... that's about 5 minutes too long for Kevin to spend at a hospital place. Plus Farhaven... le no.

You see, hospitals and Kevin don't get along. Those are very long, very terrible stories probably best kept untold or in the minds of people who were there. People who have brought me, visited me or stitched me up in the bathroom of the Royal Oak on Hunt Club in the ladies room with supplies 'borrowed' from CHEO after the blood port... so many scars...

Let's try to stay on topic here.

So I called Appletree and asked if they had the required tools to remove a steel ring from my swollen finger. The answer was no, but the lady, being ever so nice, tried to trick me into going so I could get an assessment. I mean she was really pushing for an assessment.

I totally refused all her advice and self-diagnosed myself. She really didn't like that. Come to think of it, the whole conversation was like one of those 911 tapes that would be real entertaining to hear afterwards.

Assessment. Pffft. Hello lady, this is real life. I used the powers of observation to conclude that A) my finger hurt B) it was swollen and C) there was a ring on there I needed to get cut off. No tools, no service.

One Google later and I could tell that Home Depot sold 24" bolt cutters for about $50 that should do the trick.

Now, cause I'm such a wiener, I wanted to give it another day or two after taking some anti-inflammatory drugs and then maybe I could just pull it off. Once this plan B came into play, Dr. Drew stepped in and drove my broken ass to Home Depot where surgery would be performed.

AKA, doctor's office

You see, Drew loves Home Depot. He also loves to buy tools. Since I needed to get the bolt cutters, this meant I had a tool that Drew didn't so I would obviously win. Ya, we're weird like that.

But there must have been another reason he took me. For some reason, I just couldn't get the axe man scene from Four Rooms out of my head:


(I've only ruined 1/4 rooms...)

Soooo, here we go, documented of course!
 

Cut one

I have worn this ring everyday since the day I got it. Never have I gone 24 hours without it. Now that is good ring tan!

This shows the swelling compared to the size of said ring. Ya, even after 100 Aleve it wasn't going anywhere.

And what would this be without a video?

Hi mom! This one really isn't that gross so go ahead and watch it. No panicking phone calls please. Ah the interwebs.