welcome elizabeth mae janok

The last couple of days certainly have been an adventure!

Thursday seemed like the perfect day. Woke up with a raccoon in the trap making the total four now. On the way into work took a picture of a tree that looks like a chicken. Went for a walk down our road only to find choke cherry bushes that we can use for jam. Picked said berries. Once we dropped off said berries, retried that walk and ended up picking up a sweet FREE couch set at the neighbors. This was Thursday according to my phone; awesome.

#995 - last thursday

Even had a false alarm that night. We got back to the farm at 03:30.


Friday the 13th was not like Thursday the magnificent.


I was wired when I got home and maybe got like 2 hours of sleep. Worked from home that day; didn't drive past the chicken tree :(


Friday night re-retried that walk. Made it all the way to the corner with mama! On the way back saw that our little grey kitty Minxy got hit by a car. We think she was carrying cause earlier that day Alex said she was cleaning all the hair off her nipples.


Mama bear was more than sad. Ran back to the house as I buried the cat in the orchard. It was so dark that partway through, I needed a flashlight so I returned to the house. On the way I noticed three raccoons on the roof of the outdoor pen just above the ducks.


I need my guns.


Since I don't have my guns right now, I got Alex and we tried to shoo them away as I beat them through the wire with a hockey stick.


Canadian eh?


Mama didn't like me beating on raccoon babies either. We decided to board up the pens from the inside securing our farm animals but taking away the outdoor part of their pens.


I promptly finished up with kitty.


Alex had been having contractions through all of this. We were exhausted mentally and physically.

Tonight is not the night I want to go to the hospital.

Those actual words were said and then Alex plopped down on the bed. After that, well, a picture says a thousand words (sometimes 46).

Saturday was much better :D. 


The big day had finally come where mama gave birth to daddy's perfect 6 pound 1.4 oz baby girl on Saturday July 14th at 11:30 in the am. 

That's what the people want to know right?

Mommy and baby are 100% and we have been home since Monday afternoon. I am so proud of Alex. Eight hours of natural labor before four more assisted only to have pushed five times and then Elizabeth came into this world on a laugh.

I think I told a joke about something to do with the buffalo which are located south of the boarder.

Did you even feel that?

That was actually what the doctor said to Alex as she held our Elizabeth, mommy grinning ear to ear.

Ok, before I go any further I have to say this.


There probably isn't anything more disgusting or annoying than how first time parents oggle over their little one. The pictures. The stories. The Facebook or tweets...


Awesomely, we are those parents; she's too freggin' cute.

The baby will probably be a hot topic in Kevinland soooo I will apologize for my ridiculous baby-brain actions and those to come.


I am sorry.


Being a father is AWESOME and it totally changes things. This is why I have decided to stop swearing in my blog posts. That's right, I'll use my big boy words instead (and the occasional happy butterfly amazingness to describe those moments of utter frustration).

Alex was right, a woman becomes a mother while the baby is inside her and a man becomes a father once he holds his little one.


Actually, it hit me on the second drive home from the hospital. 


Wow. I am totally girling right now.


Things ARE different. Music sounds different. I actually care about things like my health and stuff. My driving sure has changed! I catch myself using the word cute...


I used to hate that word. I found it was overused, especially when describing anything to do with babies. 

Look how cute the air passes over the baby's cute hat... 

le sigh; barf.

To a point now, I get it. Babies are cute and there will come a time where everyone will get this. 


When in Rome, do as the Romans do; leave those crazy Spartans alone.

For more of my personal amusement in 16 years, enjoy the cuteness.

Remember when I said I was going to get a dad haircut and tuck in my shirts? Ya, that's not me. I only lasted one haircut and now I'm pretty close to back to normal. I just don't like tucking in my shirts. I can still be me and a dad. Today I even got to rock out for a bit. Well, I rocked out:

well that happened, time to start over

About two weeks ago we picked up a stray walking the side of the road in a storm after we almost hit it. Since it was only a minute or so down the road, we took it home and tied it up in our front yard so that if people were out looking for their dog they would see it. We also contacted the SPCA and posted a "found dog" ad on kijiji.


Well, she was in our front yard for 3 days. We put her in at night and even gave her a go in the house for a bit. On the 4th day it was the Great Glebe Garage Sale so we ventured into town. We dropped off the dog at a friend's place and finally was able to get in touch with the owner and we dropped it off later that evening.


She was a great dog in the car, well mannered, quiet. She was a husky.





Kinda looks like another husky I know who is very well mannered for a city dog.

file photo

Anyways, Tuesday was looking up all day. Had a good day at work, Alex got a lot done at the house in Nepean, we picked up 12 Muskovy ducks from a farmer. They are more quiet, can fly up to avoid predators, they have sweet red pimple faces and they apparently taste like roast beef.

On the way home we saw a wild turkey poult cross the road, so we snagged that one and two others. Turkeys for the holidays for shizzle and wild turkey genetics, hells yes!


Then we hit up the Dairy Barn for some chip wagon deliciousness and then home.


Home to chaos.


The dogs met us in the middle of the highway leading up to our house. The road cars travel 100 km/hr on. The dogs weren't wet so we can't imagine they were out for long.


Sitting on our porch is this husky. Ok.


We take the dogs into the barn and start to look around and figure out just how the dogs got out. That's when I notice chickens all over the yard dead. Not eaten, just dead.


The husky had blood on her face.


There were three areas of death and in all three areas, all birds were just snapped at once and killed except for one, the last one, which was eaten more. 


The ducks were all in a row. Every 3 meters or so, a perfectly good almost adult duck, no tears in it at all until the last one. They were running to the pond.


She broke into a pen by pushing her way in thus releasing our dogs.


Well, we had the owner come over to help clean up the mess. Twelve of our Chantecler chicks dead, the dog went inside their pen and snapped at them once and moved on. 7 mixed chickens that were almost full grown were gone. Then we remembered the ducks. Well, all four Rouen ducks gone along with our Chinese goose. That was almost all of the animals we raised from babies. 


Seriously. Like holy fuck.


Alex is just looking more pregnant than usual and this was now officially a bad day.


Obviously we find one not-quite-dead chick, great. My first I--need-to-end-it kill.


All in all, the owners of the dog understand to call us if she gets out again and they agreed to pay us $200. We are no longer free ranging our livestock if we are not physically home, even in broad daylight because you never know when a stray, or a comfortable dog comes along. I need a sharper knife, seriously. 


The ducks were big too. They were footballs with legs. I had to burn 20 animals; not-awesome. 


Here were the duckies before we even owned the house in Spencerville. What a waste.




Here were the duckies three days ago.





Here is my fire.

We had one of the geese get injured so he was inside, the last survivor (and the biggest). Here is Alex cleaning his wound, re-bandaging and even giving him a bath.

At least it was in the sink. Not like we put our farm animals in the tub with candle light...

Not the best day.

More research now. There's an auction next Saturday and we need to restock. Don'y feel like raising more babies again cause we already have 50 meat chickens showing up tomorrow. There simply won't be enough brooder space.

Today was a good day, great progress at the house. We're both exhausted. Bedtime.

the past is funny

In the past year, life has pulled a 180 on me. I feel like I have completely transformed and all my priorities have been reset. Things have never been better, I'm busy as shit, but I like it that way. I am still just as crazy, the good kind of crazy, just maybe perhaps a better decision maker.


I wonder how the stories of old will resurface and what effect they will be have the child. Stories like the one I just told about awesome haircuts and all sorts of maybes. It didn't happen unless there's a picture right? Ahh 4th year, party time. Excellent.

you can't even tell that there's a reverse mowhawk in there can you

WASUGAH!!! (click for sound)

ok, this one is kinda scary, like batman villain scary

i think this one goes under the "unsure" category

The past is funny cause you did stuff like this and it was ok.


I totally remember this happening. After that retarded shit show of a night, I had to report for duty at my landscaping job for like 6:30 am. Back then, I was essentially a garbage man. One of my duties was to drive the company truck up and down Colonel By drive to put mileage on the truck so it looked like I was working. Greatest 8 hour shifts ever. It really doesn't take 8 hours to change a few garbage cans and pick up some nasty roadkill. I was the only employee who worked the Sat/Sun shift and I spent about 80% of that time in the lab working on my 4th year project or doing Quebec beer runs for Nick and Garret.


Now the challenge is to find that SASKATCHEWAN and ALBERTA picture... man, those tourists had no idea what was going on.


Fuck I love the parries and I've never been there! There is something awesome about that way of life, farms are the shit.


I got a new hat and I think it's awesome. It's a Pilsner hat that I found for $6 at the Quickie near my place. The Quickie doesn't even sell beer and Pislner is a beer that isn't even sold in Ontario. That makes this hat double-awesome.


#996 - random purchases

No the bunny isn't a Playboy bunny... it's actually 17,000 times more awesome; things just get bigger and stranger. Watch.

Pilsner is a western beer that I wish we had out here. Seriously.



I've taken 50 as far as it can go. Bahahaha, it's currently the ONLY domestic beer sold at Quinn's!

Pil drinkers unite! Bring a REAL MANS beer out to Ontario! We need more vitamin P!

GIMME DA BOOZES!

it was a good run as always

I have so many other farm related posts in the works, but, in lieu of my 30th birthday I simply have to get this one out off my chest. This blog post will be about:


#997 - awesome-hair

Awesome-hair makes you feel like you just Macgeiver'd your way out of sure death if it weren't for your knowledge of the pearl white unicorns weakness for clementines; not those crappy anytime ones, but the ones around Christmas.

Awesome-hair is that fourth kind of heat that unleashes ones inner rage to extreme levels of supernatural skill and ability.

Awesome-hair is what I have reached now :)

The road is long, with many a winding turns.


To get to my personal level of awesome-hair it takes forever. I always cave about halfway there, spend $20 for that summer haircut and receive those 60 seconds of ultimate relief before the fear sets in. The fear that you now must start over if any awesome-hair will ever return.

With awesome-hair also comes awesome sacrifice. And Superbowl rings.


One cannot yield awesome-hair for too long or else permanent damage will occur. One must part ways with awesome-hair before ridiculousness sets in.

Sadly there is no cure and the damage cannot be reversed. Many have tried and obviously, all have failed.

Fools of men are made from those who think they are immune to the one rule about awesome-hair: it cannot last. You become tainted and vile.

The last time I truly achieved awesome-hair was one of those cold months back in 2004. Ah university, a place where you can wear a red hat for all of life while secretly your awesome-hair grows underneath through the difficult stages. All I remember for sure is that there was a 67's game that night and that I woke up at Tom's with a reverse Mohawk for cancer. I might have had letters painted on my chest that night, another guy might have lost a tooth and found Jesus that night, perhaps I owed Tim copious amounts of dollars in slaves I had purchased. These things all might have happened, maybe.


Regardless, I saw a valiant cause and I ended it. For cancer. With my hair. Besides if anyone needed a haircut in that arena, it was me.





How do I end it this time? 


Well, I told myself long ago that when I turn 30 I have to get the dad haircut and tuck in my shirts at work. Kinda a self imposed MANtra regarding something that doesn't matter but I pretend does.


I feel that a dad haircut is another way to project seriousness onto your children. I also feel that there is no cure for my goofy condition. Now, I suspect baby will grow to learn that dada is silly and that cannot always be. I should be law. What is the answer i ask? Chuck Norris swiftly replies:

Round-house kick to the balls
aka - dad haircut

Come July there will only ever be time for dad haircut. This was the last awesome-hair. The end of times. 0% happening again. Ever.


Was it all worth it you ask? Fuck yes it was. It was so totally worth the daily comment from someone telling me to cut my hair. People just don't get it; I fell like I achieved the twelfth level of prestige. I AM Batman. I pity the fool who doesn't recognize.

In all honesty, I simply don't care what I look like because I never really see my own face.


I bet everyone has their own version of awesome-hair. It has to differ from person to person for there to be peace; we cannot all be ridiculously good looking.

Or maybe it's only you who thinks Christian Slater looks that good over there. Prince of thieves over there. Just you and a couple other people on this planet maybe. Like you and this ginger kid I know. Wow, just you and that other guy.


Awesome.