#997 - awesome-hair
Awesome-hair makes you feel like you just Macgeiver'd your way out of sure death if it weren't for your knowledge of the pearl white unicorns weakness for clementines; not those crappy anytime ones, but the ones around Christmas.
Awesome-hair is that fourth kind of heat that unleashes ones inner rage to extreme levels of supernatural skill and ability.
Awesome-hair is what I have reached now :)
The road is long, with many a winding turns.
To get to my personal level of awesome-hair it takes forever. I always cave about halfway there, spend $20 for that summer haircut and receive those 60 seconds of ultimate relief before the fear sets in. The fear that you now must start over if any awesome-hair will ever return.
With awesome-hair also comes awesome sacrifice. And Superbowl rings.
One cannot yield awesome-hair for too long or else permanent damage will occur. One must part ways with awesome-hair before ridiculousness sets in.
Sadly there is no cure and the damage cannot be reversed. Many have tried and obviously, all have failed.
Fools of men are made from those who think they are immune to the one rule about awesome-hair: it cannot last. You become tainted and vile.
The last time I truly achieved awesome-hair was one of those cold months back in 2004. Ah university, a place where you can wear a red hat for all of life while secretly your awesome-hair grows underneath through the difficult stages. All I remember for sure is that there was a 67's game that night and that I woke up at Tom's with a reverse Mohawk for cancer. I might have had letters painted on my chest that night, another guy might have lost a tooth and found Jesus that night, perhaps I owed Tim copious amounts of dollars in slaves I had purchased. These things all might have happened, maybe.
Regardless, I saw a valiant cause and I ended it. For cancer. With my hair. Besides if anyone needed a haircut in that arena, it was me.
How do I end it this time?
Well, I told myself long ago that when I turn 30 I have to get the dad haircut and tuck in my shirts at work. Kinda a self imposed MANtra regarding something that doesn't matter but I pretend does.
I feel that a dad haircut is another way to project seriousness onto your children. I also feel that there is no cure for my goofy condition. Now, I suspect baby will grow to learn that dada is silly and that cannot always be. I should be law. What is the answer i ask? Chuck Norris swiftly replies:
 |
| Round-house kick to the balls aka - dad haircut |
Was it all worth it you ask? Fuck yes it was. It was so totally worth the daily comment from someone telling me to cut my hair. People just don't get it; I fell like I achieved the twelfth level of prestige. I AM Batman. I pity the fool who doesn't recognize.
In all honesty, I simply don't care what I look like because I never really see my own face.
I bet everyone has their own version of awesome-hair. It has to differ from person to person for there to be peace; we cannot all be ridiculously good looking.
Or maybe it's only you who thinks Christian Slater looks that good over there. Prince of thieves over there. Just you and a couple other people on this planet maybe. Like you and this ginger kid I know. Wow, just you and that other guy.
Awesome.
cool dads have long hair. think about it. yeah.
ReplyDeleteNot a dad, and never will be, but even if I was, cool hair is cool hair. The "Dad haircut" as you call it, is not limited to looking like my father or that geek father our best friend had growing up (we all had one). I say let it go, let grow, Individuality is not a crime (depending on who your boss is). :)
ReplyDeleteI'm gotta try kicking it old school here like Growing Pains or Family Ties style. What an awesome era of television. Add perfect strangers to the mix and not only do you get a collection of the most awesome sweaters of all time, you get some serious hair!
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