chickens and stuff

I presently have writers block. It irks me since I've been doing really well lately getting a post out a day where all the topics have been pretty random. I've been rather consistent with my posts and that is awesome.


#999 - consistency

my very first meme!

Meme's... that was pretty easy and fun. Actually, I only recently learned that those types of pictures were called meme's. The only reason I know this is due to Zeddie Little, one ridiculously photogenic guy:

as if that whole thing happened *click to find out*

I have decided to explain our chicken plan the best way I can; in Kevin terms. You see, explaining it is a really long conversation to have. I figure if I just put it up on the interwebs for all to see, I won't have to. I'll just say go Google it. Seriously, go Google "Kevin's strange plan for chickens" and you will see. Here we go.


The chicken plan is to purchase 25 heritage breed chicks on Saturday at some buy/sell/trade show around Kemptville. You see, there are three types of chickens; egg laying, meat and dual purpose chickens (guess what they're good for). We want dual purpose chicks and the breeds we are interested in are:

orpington chickens

plymouth barred rock chickens (New England chicken)
GO PATS!!!

chantecler chicken (Canadian chicken)
GO...SENS?

They are all hearty breeds that can withstand the winters in an outdoor chicken coup which is precisely our plan. In the end, what we will end up getting is whatever is available from the local old school farmers. Not all farmers have websites so you can't always get what you're looking for locally. You need to join the local farming discussion boards for your area, make nice with the internet people who know everyone in the area and start asking your silly city questions.


Also, you can order your chicks from anywhere you want; they'll ship em to you via regular express mail. The thing is most heritage breeders won't send their beloved chicks in the mail because there is a greater risk of fatalities. Shipping also means extra dollars for something that is inexpensive so I think farmer Joe's chicks will be just fine for us. You can order them from a feed store but where's the fun in that?


Chicks range in price from $1.30 to $8 but you get what you pay for. I just learned that a dollar thirty meat chicken only lives for a maximum of 8 weeks. They can live their whole lives in a chicken tractor with minimal feed; that's crazy talk. They were basically engineered to have a system failure at 8 weeks so you need to process them before that. Yum?


The heritage chickens we're going for will probably be rotated out after 2 years-ish but could last much longer. You see, old chickens make for a tough meat; younger = deliciousness. Something to do about fresher tears or innocence, I can't remember.


Oh come on, seriously, I have to process these chickens so I'm allowed to be cynical about it. I really haven't ever touched a chicken, or seen a live chicken, or even been to a farm really. Pffft, I'll figure it out. The first time I flip a chicken upside down while I have a secure grasp of their neck will be a special day. That day will surely end with a gin and tonic. Or six.


Wow, I just remembered how much I hate chickens.

- Alex while watching videos about chickens just now

Seriously.


Old chickens can always be fed to the dogs but we're not sure what will happen if they get a taste for the things they are supposed to protect. We'll figure it out; farming's all about seeing what happens in your ecosystem. Ours will surely be an awecosystem.

Now that you have your chicks here's what you need to do. First off they need to be put in a box or a terrarium with heat lamps over them for the first month. They get their feed and water in there and cheep cheep all the live long day. The get to spend their next month in a chicken tractor which is something like this:

if you require a magazine to teach you how to build a box out of scrap wood, you're doing it wrong

In there they can get sun, protection from the elements and protection from most predators. The dogs need to be on the ball and if they hear the chickens going nuts they need to be Johnny on the spot. People keep telling me to worry about the foxes, oh the foxes will create mayhem and damage. Well, if the foxhound we have is not the most perfect dog for that problem then you can take my gold star away for the day.

So after that they move into the chicken coup, their new permanent residence. For the first month they will only be allowed access to half of the coup space. This is where they will learn that this is home. These are you laying boxes, here is your roost, food goes here and water there. Chickens are really dumb apparently.

Then you get to open the chicken wire door and allow them access to the open half which leads to the outside. Remember, they had a month to check out the yard from inside the coup, they'll be rearing to get out there. The food will be moved to the new half to promote them leaving their coup in the morning when we let them out and they'll have water in both areas. In the morning they'll be hungry so when you open the door, they should all barge out. That way it is easier to collect the eggs and clean up if need be. It's so easy a child could do it (and that's the plan muhahahahahaha!)

So that's pretty much it for living space. This method will teach the chickens that they lay eggs here, food is here, water is there and at night, I go in here.

Now for food. Chickens eat chicken feed for all I know. It's a mixture of stuff, probably has chemicals and stuff to prevent disease, etc etc. They can also eat corn which gives them a protein boost which is good in winter to keep them warm. They also eat insects and insects are free. While in the chicken tractors that's what they are learning; how to forge for bugs. They will destroy your grass forging and in their search they will eat pebbles, grass and roots; whatever is in the way of finding the bugs. Gotta keep them chicken tractors moving!

The floor of their coup will be a source of bugs as well. The way to do that is the oldest way in the books; here's how! You need to lay a nice solid durable floor. For this we will be pouring concrete in their coup area. You then make sure there is 10" of metal plating against the walls to be used as a frame of reference. Then you fill up that space with pine shavings from a local carpenter or something, all 10 inches. Chickens only poop; they are not like rabbits who poop and pee. This means they are going to make a mess of your pine shavings. Every morning when you come in to let them out and collect eggs, you can take a hard rake or garden claw and mix up the shavings so that it naturally composts. After a while the shavings will settle with all the chickens walking and forging on it, so you have to continuously add shavings and mix it in. After a while, bugs will start showing up in the compost. It's perfectly natural and safe for the birds. By using this method for floor, you can actually put out less feed than normal. Feed that you buy from a store with your money which is the opposite of free. The chickens will learn to rely on forging in the coup and out in the yard free-range style.

Bugs are free. I want you to remember that because we don't judge here. How does one produce bugs which are free? Well, maggots come to mind. How do you get maggots you ask? Well, meat rots. Take a pail, drill 1/2" holes all over the bottom 1/4 of it, fill it with things that can rot then put hay over it to keep the grossness down. Suspend the bucket off the ground so the holes are chicken head level and you have yourself a non-stop maggot producing solution. Geez, whatever will I do with all those chicken heads and feet after processing... what did I say about judging?

Shit is about to get real; farmer edition. I need to be strong like Arnold and keep in my mind at all times that these chickens are food. They produce eggs and meat. They are not pets.

Eggs. Well, chickens lay eggs more when it's warm. If you leave their eggs in their laying boxes one of the chickens will most likely decide to roost. That or, one of the chickens will decide one morning that they are not going out with the other birds today. They have decided to roost on what they have. Better not piss off that chicken so you let them roost. You can add more eggs to their pile to a maximum of 12 eggs. While roosting they stop producing more eggs, so you have to be careful how many you let roost. Often chickens roost as a group. 3 or more chickens will take turns sitting on the eggs and like clockwork, after 21 days the chicks will hatch. Afterwards, the chickens will raise them until full grown. Or something.

Eggs are only activated once they hit 100 degrees F. You can collect eggs on Monday, leave them on the kitchen sink for up to 2 weeks and then decide to incubate them. After 21 days in an incubator just over 100 degrees any egg will hatch.

I might be talking out of my ass here but this is how I understand it. 

The chicken police are people you should not piss off. Farms who are not part of chicken farmers of Canada are not allowed to produce more than 300 meat chickens in a year or have more than 25 laying hens at one time. If one of these rules are broken the opposite of good things happen. Chicken farmers of Canada decided to buy into an association or something to be able to supply chicken meat and eggs to local stores. The rules are in place to limit production on other farms so that their business is not impacted. You need like 1.5 million dollars to buy into this get cracking non-sense. We just want fresh eggs for us and meat in the freezer for the year, that's all. Seriously, processing 300 chickens in a year sounds sooo awesome...

So that was how to choose, raise, feed, egg stuff and chicken law. If you want to learn how to process chickens for meat, Google it, there are loads of ways and styles. I have my favorite videos for processing then filleting chicken but I'll leave the graphic stuff for now.

Again, this is what I think I know about chickens. We'll see once we put it into practice. 5 days till keys.